WITHOUT YOU
by deetatarant
Summary: Post COE.... Ianto rebuilds and recovers, follows 'Darkness Falls'.....
1. Chapter 1

**WITHOUT YOU: PART ONE**

Rehab was a bitch. It was all well and good waking from the dead, but his body wasn't about to let him forget his own mortality in a hurry. Ianto wasn't sure where he was, some days he didn't know who he was. His lungs hurt, his skin itched, his muscles ached and his vision remained unfocussed. Time crawled by in a haze of pain, failed attempts to get mobile and food that just refused to stay down. Perhaps death would've been the better option. He could have stood any amount of the suffering if Jack had been there to hold him. The nurses remained clinically detached, the doctors spoke in whispers and no one told him anything. Ianto was certain that he no longer cared.

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Gwen clung to Rhys' arm as they stepped out of the church. The turn out for Ianto's memorial service had completely taken her by surprise. There were faces she knew, friends of theirs, Ianto's family but there were many others, a number in UNIT uniform and two women in RAF uniforms. Ianto had had many contacts with different agencies during his time with Torchwood, it was decent of them to come, she supposed. She wiped at her damp cheeks and felt comforted by the gentle squeeze of Rhys' hand wrapped tightly around hers. Truth was all Gwen wanted to do was walk away, she had spent the entire service wondering where the fuck Jack had gotten to. She was furious that he hadn't come. Ianto deserved this one thing from him and it made her doubt so many things about the man she thought she knew, thought she loved. In a haze of her own she mechanically went through the process of hugging Martha and Tom and then Rhiannon.

Ianto's sister looked wrecked, having discovered that her brother had left her a veritable fortune, quite frankly she'd rather have her brother back. Rhiannon stepped back from Gwen Williams and thanked her for help in protecting her children, she invited her to visit anytime she liked and of course offered her help as a mum...... It was hard knowing that this woman had survived when Ianto had not. Rhiannon found herself glancing around the many strange faces, wondering if one of them was this mysterious Jack, she ventured to ask Gwen if she'd seen him. Gwen's eyes teared up as she shook her head. Rhiannon smiled briefly.

"I don't know if it helps Gwen, but Ianto he..... he loved you and Jack."

Gwen nodded. "I know he did."

Five months later and Gwen found herself questioning if Jack had ever really loved anyone at all, because once again he was running away and it broke her heart that he wouldn't stay.

Cerys Toshiko Williams was born 7lbs 2oz and 6 weeks later. Gwen forgot about Jack, forgot about Rifts and Weevils and concentrated on raising a daughter with her wonderful husband.

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He wasn't sure how much time had passed, just that he broke into his first smile when he made it to the toilet without assistance. Ianto wobbled through every leaden step, but he made it. Things seemed to move on from that point quite rapidly. He walked slowly, then walked faster and made it down the corridor to the gym and the Swedish physio therapist wasn't half as sexy as the nationality implied. Ianto thought she was the spawn of a warewolf, but he kept that to himself, like everything else in his head. He learnt quickly to keep his talking to a minimum, they were constantly questioning him about his experience of being dead. Ianto had no answers for them. The last thing he remembered was Jack's tears falling on his face and promises to remember. They all knew, they'd seen the security footage, Ianto had seen it and it left him bereft. Jack was out there alone somewhere, grieving. No one seemed to know what had happened with the 456. The children were safe and Jack Harkness had vanished and as far as the world was concerned Ianto Jones was dead. Part of Ianto wondered how long he was going to be in this place, where ever it was. Something in his gut told him he should be worried, but he really wasn't. Jack was gone, Torchwood was most likely non-existent. He'd been notified that his family were well and that a memorial service had been held for him ten months previously. Gwen Williams had had a baby girl, but no one seemed to know her name.

One day seemed just like any other until Martha Jones arrived. Ianto was still a little unsteady on his feet, but when he saw her he practically ran and enfolded her in his arms and burst into tears. Martha, who was still getting over the shock of finding out he was in fact alive and recovering cuddled him back and let him get on with his well earned display of emotion. The staff looked on completely taken aback by the young man's outburst. Eventually the tears were wiped away and Martha and sat with him on his bed and held on to his hands.

"Ianto..... God, I can't believe this was kept from me. I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. "I don't even know where I am."

She was smiling and carefully stroking his unruly hair away from his face. He was too thin and pale by half.

"This is a private facility run by the crown. Apparently most of the Canary Wharf survivors were brought here. I guess it's part of Torchwood. I was told about that this morning too. I'm supposed to take you to Downing Street tomorrow for a debrief..... I just can't believe you're alive! I mean how?"

Ianto shrugged. "Jack? Maybe he did something? Have you heard any news of him? Is he alright?"

Martha sighed. "He's gone Ianto. He left Earth 4 months ago. Gwen tried to convince him to stay, but he wouldn't listen. After what happened to you and his grandson....."

Ianto gaped at her. "What do you mean? What happened to Stephen? What happened with the 456?"

Martha looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Ianto, perhaps this......"

Ianto gripped her arms. "Martha, please tell me. What happened?"

"Jack found a way to defeat them but he needed a child in order to do it. The only one available was Stephen. The boy died. I don't know the details, but right after Jack disappeared. We know he went to your house because he left a note and documents for Rhiannon and Gwen told me that one of your journal's was missing, she thought it might have been destroyed with the Hub, but I remember you always kept it at home."

"He killed Stephen?"

Martha nodded. "Perhaps after losing you.... maybe that was too much. Whatever it saved all the millions of children that were being herded up to hand over." She watched the blood drain from Ianto's face.

"Oh, God, Jack. Martha, he'll be so alone and in so much pain. I have to find him."

She tightened her hold on his hands as the tears flowed over his cheeks.

"He's not on Earth, there's nothing you can do."

Ianto stared at her for a long moment and then consciously he drew a blank mask down over his face schooling his features into neutrality. He sucked in a steadying breath and wiped his hands over his face to remove the water.

"You said I had a debriefing tomorrow?" Any sign of emotional uncertainty was gone.

Martha frowned at him, but understood. "Yes. You're officially the head of the Torchwood Institute, after Archie Cavanagh refused to take over and the government wants you up and back in business as soon as possible. You'll be meeting with Bridget Spears and the PM. Torchwood Cardiff is being rebuilt on the old site under the Plas, most of the lower levels of the Hub are still intact because of the blast doors that protected them from the explosion. A team has been put together, representatives from various disciplines both civilian and military. The Queen was adamant that you be put in charge, she's rather fond of you, which is why I was contacted, to break you back in gently and be your personal physician until you are fully recovered. I know this all a bit of a shock for you. As soon as we've dealt with the meetings tomorrow Gwen and Rhys will be taking you to Cardiff."

Ianto hitched a smile at that. "Can you imagine Owen's reaction to that? Does my sister know?"

Unsure Martha smiled back, there was more. "No not yet. I thought you'd prefer to tell her yourself. Firstly though, you're coming home with me. Gwen and Rhys are waiting to see you, well they will be when their train gets in."

Ianto couldn't help it, the tears were back in his eyes. "Thank you Martha." And then he broke down completely. Martha pulled his skinny frame against her and gently petted his head and whispered soothing nonsense in his ears.

"Come on Ianto. Tom's dying to try your legendary coffee and I am quite sure you'd like to get out of here."

**AN: I wasn't going to do this.... but hey it's Ianto..... don't expect Jack to make appearance anytime soon though...... hahahahahah... ok that was supposed to be an evil laugh. Dedicated to the BBC complaints department because they sent me a very nice letter back..... To RTD anything IS possible so I am doing a Captain Jean Luc Picard and making it so!.... Ianto, Ianto, Ianto!!!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**PART TWO**

The emotions that overwhelmed him were quite unexpected. Gwen pulled him into her arms and Ianto held on to her like his life depended on it. Rhys had stood back, baby in one arm and his other hand gently rubbing Ianto's shoulder. The younger man was looking like a shadow of his former self, but Rhys was pleased to see him. Gwen was over joyed. The two colleagues, friends, clung to each other in Martha's hallway and both of them were crying. Gwen eventually stepped back and surveyed Ianto with a maternal eye and Ianto had to admit that it looked good on her, the extra weight, the added brightness in her eyes.

"You look wonderful." He murmured. Rhys was nodding from behind. "She certainly does mate, come on and sit down we've someone we want you to meet."

Gwen huddled next to him on the couch, almost afraid she was dreaming his presence there and Rhys leant forwards and rested a wriggling bundle into Ianto's arms. Little hands reached up and wide green eyes gazed up at him. Ianto gazed down at the baby in his arms and smiled faintly before looking at Gwen.

"Wow, Gwen..... I don't know what to say. Thank God.... she's amazing, you are amazing." To his horror he was crying again and Gwen quickly wiped the water from his cheeks with her thumb in the same way that Jack had once done. "I have never been more grateful for the fact that it was me at Thames House and not you."

Gwen smiled back she was still at a loss for words. "Ianto.... It's just so good to see you."

Martha had joined them bearing a tray of snacks and mugs of tea. "You get this round for free. Ianto's going to make coffee later." She said with a smile and reached out her hand to pet the baby who was still looking up at Ianto. They all cooed round the baby for some minutes until Ianto began to yawn expansively.

"I'm sorry I am so tired."

Martha went straight into doctor mode. "Right, of course you are. Come one I'll show you where everything is and then you can take a nap."

Ianto carefully passed the infant to her dad and stood up gingerly, he was still a bit fragile.

"Thanks Martha." He turned to Gwen. "You'll be here when I wake up?" He needed the assurance and she beamed at him.

"Count on it, go on, Martha says you'll need your rest."

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Gwen settled her daughter down into the porta cot and then joined Martha and Rhys in the lounge. Tom was in the kitchen cooking dinner as they talked over things that needed to be said. Gwen got straight in with the questions, riding highly on her emotions after the events of the day.

"Why wasn't I told? For that matter why wasn't his sister told?"

Martha could only shrug. "All I know is that he was the only one to survive the attack at Thames House. His body was in the morgue awaiting a post mortem examination. The night before the exam was carried out his body was brought out of the fridge and left in the lab, it was sometime during that night that he began to regain body function. They were literally about to start the PM when it was discovered he was alive. I don't know why the information wasn't released......"

Gwen clenched her hands in her lap. "You realise if Jack had've known that Ianto was alive he wouldn't have left."

Martha nodded. "I know. I only found out myself at 6am this morning when I had a call from Bridget Spears, she's been very busy assembling a new Torchwood team, getting the Hub rebuilt and I don't understand the reasoning behind the secrecy, but it is clear to me that now Torchwood is essentially public knowledge she felt she had to do something. Jack saved the world, maybe she recognised the sacrifice he made to do that. Ianto's the ideal choice, he'd die for Torchwood, for Earth..... did die. I don't know Gwen. I just have my instructions, which are get him fit and well as soon as possible."

Rhys was absently rubbing Gwen's knee to comfort her. "We saw all the building work going on at the Plas, never thought they'd be re building the Hub though, I mean why there?"

"The Rift is still there. I've seen some UNIT troops around Cardiff...."

"We've been monitoring and trying to deal with things that come through. We've also had a new hospital built on the mainland and had the patients at Flat Holm moved to better facilities."

Gwen's eyes widened. "How did you know about that?"

Once again Martha shrugged. "I think MI5 knew a lot more about Torchwood than they were given credit for, they'd been watching you all for a long time."

Gwen sighed feeling slightly indignant. "They were just waiting for an excuse to get rid of us, weren't they?"

Martha nodded. "Prime Minister Green and Frobisher had their own agendas, of course after the 456 Green was discredited and Frobisher.... well we all know what happened to him. I think he was put in an untenable position. Anyway after you leaked that Thames House footage to the press, Ianto became something of a hero, dying in Jack's arms, the press love a good romance and right now the PMs office are preparing a statement to explain why Ianto is in fact alive and well and preparing to take over as head of Torchwood."

Martha watched her friend closely. "I don't know quite where that leaves you as far as Torchwood is concerned, especially as no one has contacted you."

Gwen was wondering the same thing as well. "For now it leaves me still on maternity leave."

Rhys seemed pleased with that, Gwen wasn't entirely certain she could do Torchwood without Jack.

"Have you heard any word Martha?..... From the Doctor.... about Jack?"

Martha shook her head. "I haven't heard from the Doctor full stop. I'm sorry. If Jack is out there somewhere, he'll only come back when he's ready to, if he comes back at all. Ianto asked me the same thing on the way here. He's more upset that Jack's alone out there than he is about himself."

"Ianto loves him. They were just starting to really be.... well.... when all this started. Will Ianto take it on? Torchwood?"

Martha had no idea. "I think right now what he needs is to recover. He needs time to come to terms with has happened to him, especially if it turns out he's like Jack and really can't die."

"Is he?" Rhys asked.

"I don't know. I guess we'll find out the next time he dies. He certainly doesn't have the accelerated healing, he's been in rehab for months. I just think it would be awful for Jack not knowing that he is here waiting for him, Ianto could be waiting forever."

"Maybe he'll move on." Gwen shook her head as she said it. "What am I saying, this is Ianto, of course he won't. We have to find a way to reach Jack."

Rhys sighed. "I have a suggestion, but you won't like it."

Gwen arched her eyebrows at her husband. "What love?"

"You told me that John Hart bloke was still on Earth, he's got the same wrist thingy as Jack, maybe he could be persuaded to help?"

Martha frowned, wondering who John Hart was and Gwen obviously recognised the question in her look.

She grinned. "Don't ask, one of Jack's ex's with a fetish for poodles, but you're right Rhys. I think it's time we went looking for him."


	3. Chapter 3

**PART THREE**

It was a chilly night. Ianto didn't notice as he stood, face upturned to look at the stars from his vantage point on the roof of the Millennium Centre. He came to this place every night these days. It was his place to think and it helped him ground himself. He could think of Jack up here because everyone knew never to disturb him unless the world was ending. Ianto would find himself wondering which one of those distant lights held his lover, it was all he could think about in these moments of stolen solitude. As Gwen had quite rightly predicted he had not moved on, not from Jack at least.

Torchwood Cardiff kept him going he supposed. He'd been in charge for some six months and he was still finding his feet. The team had been well chosen, he liked them all for entirely different reasons, they worked well together, socialised together and sometimes they hurt together. No one had died yet, but the Rift had been forgiving. Martha Jones had finally given him a clean bill of health, but Ianto was dead inside. He found that he could no longer laugh or cry. A hardened core had formed where his soul once resided. He buried himself in the work, lived and breathed it, there was nothing else except Sunday afternoons, one week with Gwen and Rhys, the other with Rhi, he alternated between the two and pretended for a few hours that he was happy to be with them. In truth he was, it enabled him to get through everything else, the constant cramping pain in both his legs, the lack of decent sleep, the nightmares and loneliness.

Lois Habiba became his PA. Ianto had sought her out on Gwen's recommendation, the young woman was brilliant and Ianto found himself able to function as a leader far more effectively with her assistance. The new public Torchwood was quite a change. Ianto had become that face, the one expected to know all the answers when everything went to shit. Mostly his team did the work and allowed Ianto to take public credit. They all wanted to stay out of the limelight. It worked, they were well rewarded with enthusiasm and praise and Ianto was surprised that that in itself seemed to be enough. The techies, medics and field agents, 12 of them in total, did their jobs for the love of it and Ianto couldn't help but admire Bridget Spears for her choices.

Ianto functioned as only he knew how. He behaved with absolute professionalism and detachment, the only habits he had not been able to abandon were the need to wear suits and make coffee. No one complained. He never went out in the field unless it was absolutely required to save the planet and most of his working day involved managing the ever increasing archive, expanding his already comprehensive knowledge of the universe, at least now he had two very adept and enthusiastic researchers working with him.

He looked out across Cardiff bay at the lights twinkling and reflecting off the black of the ocean. He half imagined a larger, warmer hand engulfing his, tails of a great coat brushing against his leg in the bitter breeze. It was stupid to hang on the way that he did, but Ianto had never felt more alone in all his life. He didn't know who he was anymore and no longer felt any motivation to find out. He was grateful that Gwen had chosen family over coming back to work, she and Rhys flourished. If nothing else there was that at least, one thing that Jack hadn't managed to destroy. Ianto's gaze went heavenward again and he shivered burying his hands further into his pockets.

"Where are you Jack? If you can hear me, come back, come home."

Sighing he turned away and headed back inside, he'd try to grab a couple of hours of sleep before the day shift began.

Thomas Jordan looked up from his work station as his boss came in through the roller door, the one that had been salvaged from the wreck of TW3. He frowned at the Welshman, wondering why he had come in so early again.

"Everything alright, sir?"

Ianto nodded and made straight for the kitchen. "Yes, thank you Thomas. Anything to report?"

"No sir, quiet night, the predictor has flagged up a level 2 surge for around mid day though."

Ianto came out of the kitchen area with two mugs a short while later. He handed one to the sandy haired man, one of three civilians. Thomas was a brilliant man, a Cambridge professor at the age of 28. He was one of the team that Ianto actually liked, the London accent frequently reminded him of a certain medic, but apart from that Thomas was charm and wit all the way. Thomas practically lived at the Hub with his cat George, a stray rescued from his wheelie bin one morning. Ianto found his presence somewhat comforting and undemanding and Thomas often took the night watch so he could work in peace. George was curled up in the chair at Johnson's desk, she'd be sure to moan about the ginger hairs when she got in later on.

Ianto carried on up to his office. "I'm on a call to the USA for the next hour or so, can you tell the others, no interruptions when they get in."

Thomas nodded. "Yes boss."

Ianto smiled, thinking of Owen again. He missed Owen, but Thomas sort of made up for it.

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Gwen Williams dropped her glass of juice in shock. She gaped at the figure standing in the doorway of her house unable to believe her eyes. Her jaw moved but no words came out.

"Aren't you gonna invite me in?"

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Ianto sighed on hearing the sound of the alarms and got straight off his seat and went to Tsungtsu's desk to take a look at the monitor. The Rift had been arsey all day and everyone but himself was out in the field dealing with a downed UFO. Ianto studied the readings carefully his brow furrowing with recognition. John Hart's vortex manipulator always left that unique signal. He sighed and tooling up with a handgun he decided to go and sort it out himself. If it was John Hart, he'd send him on his way. The signal was disturbingly close to the house of Gwen and Rhys Williams to be a coincidence. Somehow he wasn't surprised when his mobile started to ring. It was Gwen.

Ianto answered as he marched quickly to the underground carpark.

"Hey, Gwen. Everything ok?"

"Hi, yeah. I presume you've picked up the Rift signal?"

Ianto nodded. "You have a visitor?"

"I certainly do, get yourself over here now, alone Ianto."

"I'm on my way." His gut tightened as he got into his car.

Ianto drove like his back end was on fire to the quiet little suburb where Gwen and Rhys lived. He got there in record time and slammed on the brakes noisily stopping outside the pretty detached house. Gwen was waiting for him at the front door. Ianto immediately noticed the dried tears on her face and she hugged him and then gently pushed him into the house, closing the door behind them.

"Go through to the lounge. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."

Ianto hesitated but watched as Gwen beat a hasty retreat. Ianto sucked in his breath about ready to give John Hart a piece of his mind. He strode into the lounge and froze the moment he stepped through the doorway.

There stood facing away from him, looking out at the garden was a tall man in a black ¾ length coat an old leather bag resting against his hip. The silhouette was unmistakable. Ianto felt his blood drain from his face as his heart thundered under his ribs.

"Jack?" He barely got the word out as the man turned. Yes it was Jack, wasn't it? His hair was longer, maybe even a little greyer, but the blue fire in his eyes, the cocky grin and the posturing stance was all Jack. The expression softened to one of deep affection. They looked at each other and words completely failed Ianto as his mouth dropped open.

"Jones Ianto Jones." Even with his face shadowed Ianto could see the water in his eyes. Ianto took the longest three strides of his life and threw himself at Jack. They grabbed at each other hauling themselves into a tight embrace. Ianto closed his eyes breathing in the familiar scent of his soul mate and he tightened his hold, winding his fingers into long untamed hair. They were both in tears.

"Ianto, I'm so sorry. I thought you were dead. I would never have left you. I'm so sorry."

Ianto just held on his legs weak with shock.

"Jack."

Gwen stood in the doorway, Cerys sitting up in her mother's arms. They were smiling.

"You see little lambie toes some tales do have a happy ending."

Ianto turned his head to face her; somehow he knew this was her doing.

"Thank you Gwen. Thank you."

FINIS........

**AN: Sorry I really needed a happy ending, what happens after this is anyone's guess. Though I'm sure you don't need much of an imagination to figure it out. Right thank you everybody for reading and reviewing..... so many of you. OMG!**

**For all you Janto fans out there hope this makes COE a bit easier to cope with......Hopefully see some of you at Hub 3?**


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